
ASSHOLE.
One of the most bullshit seasons in recent memory is thankfully, mercifully coming to an end tonight. We will continue to pick games throughout the playoffs and will count them in a separate bracket.
Here's where we stand:
Dan:
(166-74); Last Week (11-5)
Alex:
(160-80); Last Week (10-6)
Bryan:
(160-80); Last Week (10-6)
STEELERS (8-7) at Miami Dolphins (7-8), 1 p.m., Sunday
Dan: The Steelers have won three in a row and are starting to find different was to win each week. But no matter what happens in this final weekend, there's no excuse in the world for this season. With almost no roster or coaching staff turnover, this is truly the most disappointing follow-up season for any defending Super Bowl champion in history.
Score: Steelers, 20-16Alex: God I hope the Steelers go to the playoffs just so they can beat the Bengals. The heartbreak that would be coming out of Cincy would be music to my ears.
Score: Steelers, 24-17Bryan: With Ricky Williams listed as questionable, the Dolphins don't have many weapons on offense for this last game. The Steelers should be able to hold Miami to under 2 touchdowns, plenty of wiggle room for Ben to put up some points.
Score: Steelers, 24-10
Indianapolis Colts (14-1) at Buffalo Bills (5-10), 1 p.m., Sunday
Dan: The Colts should still win this game with an early lead and a healthy running game. But even if they go on to win the Super Bowl, that embarrassment of a stunt they pulled last week will be be remembered forever. Heck, winning it all would make it even more infamous.
Score: Indianapolis, 24-13Alex: Who the fuck knows really. I'm sure the Colts starters will in fact start the game but how much they play depends on whether or not these dickheads want to limp into the postseason with two straight losses. Buffalo is barely worth mentioning and even if the Colts play down to them, they still might lose. But I'm feeling good cause Indy is notorious for pulling this kind of late season bullshit.
Score: Buffalo 20-17Bryan: Not sure what to make of this mess. Lets make one thing clear; The Bills are not the Jets. So even if Manning and Co. sit, it should still be enough to shut down the best Buffalo has to offer.
Score: Indianapolis, 23-14
New Orleans Saints (13-2) at Carolina Panthers (7-8), 1 p.m., Sunday
Dan: No Drew Brees, no Pierre Thomas, no Darren Sharper, no reason to watch this game.
Score: Carolina, 24-20Alex: So Carolina has won two straight games and looks like the team people thought they were before the season started. New Orleans is a Micky Mouse bunch of jackoffs and is staring down the pipe at first round elimination. But I don't think they will limp into the playoffs.
Score: New Orleans 27-21Bryan: New Orleans is resting some of their players. Chalk up another loss for the Saints. Just as I predicted, they limp into the playoffs not having won a game in almost a month and will drop their first playoff game. I don't care who they play.
Score: Carolina, 27-19Jacksonville Jaguars (7-8) at Cleveland Browns (4-11), 1 p.m., Sunday
Dan: I recorded all 5 Rocky movies on my DVR just so I don't have to even think about watching any of these hideous games today. What a joke, NFL. Of yea, and the Jaguars go from being in the driver's seat to the 5 seed to a losing record.
Score: Cleveland, 25-10Alex: Seeing as how the Jaguars decided to flush there fucking season down the toilet the last few weeks, I really don't have much confidence to pick them to beat anybody. Except the Browns.
Score: Jacksonville 30-17Bryan: Want to know why no one has ever heard of Jerome Harrison? Because he's been sitting on the bench behind 60 year old Jamal Lewis. So yeah, Harrison's really good.
Score: Jacksonville, 31-21
New England Patriots (10-5) at Houston Texans (8-7), 1 p.m., Sunday
Dan: This is actually a hilarious matchup. A team that always finds ways to win against a team that always finds ways to lose. Stick with the trends.
Score: New England, 31-24Alex: This could be the biggest game in the Texans short history. But only if they win. Which they won't. New England is your 3 seed, AFC.
Score: New England 27-20Bryan: Scenario number one goes right for the Steelers. New England does not rest against anyone. One of the few things I respect Belichick for.
Score: New England, 22-14
New York Giants (8-7) at Minnesota Vikings (11-4), 1 p.m., Sunday
Dan: How can anyone pick the Giants and retain any respect for themselves? The Giants don't even have respect for themselves. Did everyone forget about the egg they laid last week? These guys have mailed it in so bad the Meadowlands just opened its own post office.
Score: Minnesota, 35-9Alex: Wow, so the Vikings aren't quite as solid as some claimed. Oh my they are bullshit, which I have claimed all year. I love seeing cunts like Farve go tits up at the end of the year. Still the Giants are cocksuckers and this game is in Minnesota, the only place the Vikings can win anymore.
Score: Minnesota 27-17Bryan: This should be a fun game to keep an eye on. Minnesota has self-imploded and can't find any answers, while New York has been eliminated from playoff contention and has nothing to lose. Scary combo if I'm a Vikings fan. I think New York comes out ready to atone for last weeks embarrassment in the Meadowlands.
Score: New York Giants, 21-17San Francisco 49ers (7-8) at St. Louis Rams (1-15), 1 p.m., Sunday
Dan: San Francisco will win this game only because they always were destined to go 8-8 anyways.
Score: San Francisco, 17-10Alex: he 49ers should have been in the playoff discussion all year but with bullshit loses to Minnesota(and is there any other kind of loss to these pricks) and Seattle they managed to fuck themselves out of a shot. Too bad. Rams can go get fucked.
Score: San Francisco, 28-3Bryan: And with this game, the St. Louis Rams secure the first pick in the 2010 NFL draft.
Score: San Francisco, 38-13Atlanta Falcons (8-7) at Tampa Bay Buccaneers (3-12), 1 p.m., Sunday
Dan: Everyone said Michael Turner would break down after carrying the ball so many times last year, and, surprise, he hasn't played in over a month. Meanwhile, the Bucs have had a bit of a burst of life lately, which always comes right before we're reminded they were dead all along.
Score: Atlanta, 28-0.Alex: Perhaps Raheem Morris saved his job last week by beating the Saints. Perhaps not. Either way, who gives a fuck? I mean, it has nothing to do with the price of rice in China, does it?
Score: Atlanta, 21-17Bryan: It's been an up and down season for Atlanta. They should beat Tampa today and be able to build on the momentum of winning their last three games for next season.
Score: Atlanta, 27-12
Chicago Bears (6-9) at Detroit Lions (2-13), 1 p.m., Sunday
Dan: There are no winners in this game, on the field or on the scoreboard.
Score: Tie, 6-6Alex: BEARS AND LIONS!!!! OLD SCHOOL FOOTBALL!!! Yeah, fuck this game. And put Lovie Smith out of his fucking misery already. I know they went to a super bowl and did manage to beat the Vikings last week but god damn 7-9?
Score: Chicago 27-14Bryan: I'm kind of mad at myself because I missed the Monday Night game last week, which I heard was off the charts good. Where did that performance come from? Had that Cutler shown up for their first 14 games, Chicago would be in a much better place. More momentum for the offseason.
Score: Chicago, 38-17Philadelphia Eagles (11-4) at Dallas Cowboys (10-5), 4:15 p.m., Sunday
Dan: This game should've been flexed to tonight. But no, the NFL thinks we want to see the Bengals of all teams play in prime time. McNabb goes off again.
Score: Philadelphia, 35-17 Alex: Gear up Eagles fans. You are about to come out of nowhere and steal the bye week away from the Vikings before starting your run through a watered down NFC. Good luck in the super bowl McNabb, you over rated prick.
Score: Philadelphia 24-20Bryan: Philadelphia is fighting Minnesota for a first round bye. Dallas on the other hand, has their wildcard spot secured, just not sure if they'll be the number five or six seed. I think the Eagles come out a little hungrier for this game and snatch a win.
Score: Philadelphia, 26-23
Kansas City Chiefs (3-12) at Denver Broncos (8-7), 4:15 p.m., Sunday
Dan: People will remember this season as some sort of epic collapse for the Broncos when really they should remember as a team that won three times as many games as it should have. Laugh at McDaniels all you want, people, but he's going to be one hell of a good coach.
Score: Denver, 20-16Alex: How the fuck did the Broncos go 6-0 and not control there own destiny at this point in the season? Good, I don't want to see Josh McDaniels smiling face on my TV set anyway. Not next year either, Broncos. And thanks for nothing this year KC, you worthless turds.
Score: Denver, 31-10Bryan: I'm pretty stoked Josh McDaniels' team went down the tubes. Who remembers him screaming and fist-pumping to his fans after they beat New England to improve to 5-0. Yeah, awesome job.
Score: Denver, 20-14
Baltimore Ravens (8-7) at Oakland Raiders (5-10), 4:15 p.m., Sunday
Dan: I really think the Raiders have a great chance at winning this game. I don't know what the spread is and I don't care, the Ravens won't cover.
Score: Baltimore, 21-20Alex: As a big believer in the West Coast curse, I think the Raiders will do ok for about 7 minutes of this game. But Charlie Frye isn't beating the Ravens D.
Score: Baltimore 28-7Bryan: Sorry Steeler fans. Charlie Frye isn't going to carry the Raiders to victory over a Baltimore team that knows they must beat THE OAKLAND RAIDERS to make the playoffs.
Score: Baltimore, 31-9
Tennessee Titans (7-8) at Seattle Seahawks (5-10), 4:15 p.m., Sunday
Dan: I'd have to be an idiot to pick the Seahawks.
Score: Tennessee, 24-17Alex: Christ, week 17 is bullshit. I used to think Seattle was ok at home until I actually watched a whole Seahawks game. Titans win but somebody stop Chris Johnson. I don't want this speedy little fuck to break records.
Score: Tennessee 28-3Bryan: Too many shades of blue on the field for me.
Score: Tennessee, 31-21
Washington Redskins (4-11) at San Diego Chargers (12-3), 4:15 p.m., Sunday
Dan: The Redskins are so ready for the offseason they'll play with their plane tickets stuffed in their game socks.
Score: San Diego, 28-9Alex: San Diego's backups will still run roughshed all over these pussies.
Score: San Diego, 24-14Bryan: These are the type of trap games you worry about since players may be resting. Oh wait, its the Redskins.
Score: San Diego, 28-0
Green Bay Packers (10-5) at Arizona Cardinals (10-5), 4:15 p.m., Sunday
Dan: Hell, this game could've been flexed in too! All you conspiracy theorists out there who think the NFL always does everything it can to push the Steelers into the playoffs oughtta look at the way they've been fucked by Bill Polian in week 16 and the flex scheduling this week.
Score: Green Bay, 28-24Alex: Since this game is probably going to be played next week too, don't look for either team to try too hard. I guess it comes down to Matt Lienert vs Whatever dickhead is backing up Rodgers. Go with the home team in these ones.
Score: Arizona 17-13Bryan: If Green Bay had beaten Favre this year, they would have a chance to win this division tonight. Sadly they lost twice to the selfish prick and can do no better than the wild card birth they have. I hope they meet in the playoffs, because Green Bay would win. Also, these two teams could meet again next week if things shake out right.
Score: Arizona, 23-21
Cincinnati Bengals (10-5) at New York Jets (8-7), 8:20 p.m., Sunday
Dan: I'm just glad I'll be drunk during this game. Fuck you, Cincy. On the bright side, if the Ravens and Jets get in then I will have correctly predicted every single playoff team except the Steelers/Bengals swap that will take place. Blow me, world.
Score: Cincinnati, 21-17Alex: Well, it all comes down to this for the Steelers. Will there Rivals help them out? Not in this fucking life. Strap yourself in Joe Yinzer and count down the days until the Home Opener cause it is all over for now.
Score: New York Jets 20-10Bryan: And here we are. If the early games shake out like I think they will, all the Steelers would need is a Cincinnati win to qualify for the post season. Do I think the Steelers deserve a playoff appearence this year? Certainly not. That's why when New York wins this game, I won't be all that heartbroken.
Score: New York Jets, 23-10