NFL Picks 2009 - Week 15

The gap between first place and third place has gotten considerably smaller over the last few weeks. Looks like this race is going down to the wire. As the standings grow tighter, the boys ponder over which teams they can pick with confidence and which teams represent poor investments.

Here's where we stand:

Dan: (146-62); Last Week (10-6)
Bryan: (143-65); Last Week (12-4)
Alex: (143-65); Last Week (14-2)

Indianapolis Colts (13-0) at Jacksonville Jaguars (7-6), 8:20 p.m., Thursday

Dan: I've said all year I'm picking the Colts until they lose, and they haven't lost yet. Score: Indianapolis, 24-21

Alex: Don't buy any of the bullshit you are hearing from the Colts. These cunts are going to start mailing it in with about 14:55 left to play in the 3rd quarter. Besides, I was going with the upset here anyway. Score: Jacksonville 24-17

Bryan: As long as the Colts keep playing their starters, I'll keep pickin' em. Score: Indianapolis, 27-19

Dallas Cowboys (8-5) at New Orleans Saints (13-0), 8:20 p.m., Saturday

Dan: Dallas HAS to win this game, but New Orleans has the best home field advantage in football and momentum to spare. And oh yea, the Cowboys are bullshit. Score: New Orleans, 34-13

Alex: If the Colts lose on Thursday, it would only make sense for the Saints to lose on Saturday. Fortunately for them, Fort Cherry High School played a harder schedule. The Cowboys' December woes aside, the bottom line is that are a second tier team from top to bottom. New Orleans is going undefeated but not going to the Super Bowl. Score: New Orleans 31-27

Bryan: Wouldn't it be fitting if New Orleans finally loses a game this year and Cowboys finally win a game in December. Risky. Too Risky. Score: New Orleans, 31-21

Green Bay Packers (9-4) at Pittsburgh Steelers (6-7), 4:15 p.m., Sunday

Dan: If the Steelers lose, it will be their longest losing streak since before most of us were born. And Ryan Clark and Ben Roethlisberger are bitching that we're being too hard on them? Score: Green Bay, 27-17

Alex: Look for the Packers to run quick slant after quick slant while Ike Taylor and William Gay play about 15-20 yards off the line. We will probably make an adjustment at halftime but you will probably have already turned off the game by then, you fucking bandwagon twats! Score: Green Bay 27-20

Bryan: Its hard not to pick the Steelers at home with the extra few days of rest. Then again, all the players have stamps on their foreheads. They've officially mailed it in. Score: Green Bay, 24-20

Chicago Bears (5-8) at Baltimore Ravens (7-6), 1 p.m., Sunday

Dan: The Bears' season has been uglier than one of those infomercials about the kids with the cleft pallets. And honestly, why does Lovie Smith have $11 million left on his contract? What the fuck did he ever do to earn a contract that huge??? Score: Baltimore, 21-14

Alex: Jay Cutler over/under on INTS--3.5. What do you think? Score: Baltimore 26-10

Bryan: Chicago could bring back their best players from the last twenty years and still find ways to lose this football game. Score: Baltimore, 28-13

New England Patriots (8-5) at Buffalo Bills (5-8), 1 p.m., Sunday

Dan: Many expect the Patriots to turn Randy Moss loose in this one after the controversy surrounding him last week. I don't see it because Buffalo actually has a respectable secondary. If they happen to run into the Chargers in the playoffs, though, I'd throw to him 25 times. Score: New England, 20-17

Alex: I see the media desperately wants to the Patriots dynasty to come apart at the seams. Randy Moss plays his worst game in 3 years and he quit. Not the defense shut him down or the game plan didn't get him involved. No, he quit. Pathetic. Look for Moss to explode in this game and for them to mercilessly feed him the ball from start to finish. Score: New England 31-14

Bryan: I think the weather is going to make this game a lot closer than it should be. The Pats will still come out on top. Score: New England, 20-13

Arizona Cardinals (8-5) at Detroit Lions (2-11), 1 p.m., Sunday

Dan: Arizona is coming off of one of the worst offensive performances I have ever seen. Thank you, Cardinals offensive line, for sabotaging my fantasy playoffs when all I needed was a measly 11 points out of Larry Fitzgerald. Because of you, I'm off the Cardinals bandwagon, but this week you should be able to bring back Jake Plummer and still win. Score: Arizona, 31-10

Alex: Nobody should have been surprised last week when the 49ers upset the Cardinals. Par for the coarse in this fucking league. Fantasy owners, if you survived there terrible numbers last week rest assure that Warner, Fitz, and Boldin will all explode against a Detroit team that, sadly, does not seem to be getting better. EVER!!! Score: Arizona 38-7

Bryan: Arizona's going to be a quiet 9-5 after this game. Don't sleep on this team. They've been there before. Score: Arizona, 31-20

Cleveland Browns (2-11) at Kansas City Chiefs (3-10), 1 p.m., Sunday

Dan: Pray that your egg nog is spiked if you watch this one. With cyanide. Score: Kansas City, 24-17

Alex: Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the 2009-2010 NFL football season. Score: Kansas City 17-13

Bryan: The only way this game gets any uglier, is if Ashlee Simpson sings the National Anthem. Score: Kansas City, 16-13

Atlanta Falcons (6-7) at New York Jets (7-6), 1 p.m., Sunday

Dan: The Falcons have some work to do on the defensive side of the ball this offseason. But then again, with all the asinine rule changes, so does everyone. Score: New York Jets, 20-13

Alex: How the fucking Jets are still in this thing is anybody's guess. Sanchez has actually gotten worse as the year has moved on and they haven't had a significant win since week 2. Atlanta has looked just as mediocre without Turner and Ryan. But don't sleep on them here. The Jets are well documented bedshitters. Score: New York Jets 17-14

Bryan: This game has about as much excitement to it as a sack of Idaho potatos. Score: New York Jets, 23-14

San Francisco 49ers (6-7) at Philadelphia Eagles (9-4), 1 p.m., Sunday

Dan: The Eagles are playing some of their best football right now, and the 49ers somehow barely beat the Cardinals despite SEVEN TAKEAWAYS! It also seems to me that Alex Smith is just too inaccurate to be a consistently good quarterback in the NFL, so if I were San Francisco I'd be trying to draft a QB in the first round or even going hard after a free agent like Jason Campbell or even Michael Vick. Score: Philadelphia, 20-13

Alex: If it wasn't for a loss to the Seahawks two weeks ago, this would be a huge game. The 49ers have been up and down all year and could be the Steelers of Northern California. The Eagles seem to be firing on all cylinders. Offensively that is. When did their defense forget how to wrap up? Score: Philadelphia 27-17

Bryan: San Fran has at least shown the ability to hang around in the standings. I see good things for this team in the near future. Score: Philadelphia, 34-23

Houston Texans (6-7) at St. Louis Rams (1-12), 1 p.m., Sunday

Dan: It was revealed this week that five or six Rams have swine flu and a practice was canceled this week. The Rams fucked up. They should've said it was 20 players and started using this excuse in week 3. Score: Houston, 24-13

Alex: But seriously, this game really does sum up the year. One team with all the talent in the world yet not winning. Another team that is a hybrid of young and old that is trying to put it all back together. For shame, NFL, for shame. Score: Houston 35-13

Bryan: I think Houston needs to finish ABOVE .500 for Kubiak to keep his job. There's enough talent on the field to finish with a winning record. Hang on, Bill Cowher's on the line. Score: Houston, 31-17

Miami Dolphins (7-6) at Tennessee Titans (6-7), 1 p.m., Sunday

Dan: Miami is good, but with the way the Titans will be force-feeding the ball to Chris Johnson all game trying to get him another 100 yard game I don't see them having a chance in this one. Score: Tennessee, 31-28

Alex: This looks to be the game of the week and one of the few that holds playoff implications for both teams. We know what I think of Miami by now and the same could be said for Vince Young, who once again proved what a giant pussy he is last week when he left the game. Too bad Titan fan(cause I know there is only one of you), it looks like Young's stock is at an all time high and unfortunately he is playing a team that can stop Chris Johnson, who is also a pussy. I can't wait to see a middle linebacker knock this guy's dick in the dirt. Score: Miami 24-21

Bryan: I made a mistake getting off of the Miami bandwagon last week. I've been riding them all year. Why stop now. Score: Miami, 28-24

Oakland Raiders (4-9) at Denver Broncos (8-5), 4:05 p.m., Sunday

Dan: Oakland is starting Charlie Fucking Frye. If Denver doesn't win this game they should be relegated to the CFL. Score: Denver, 31-9

Alex: With the Raiders apparently happy starting anyone other then Jamarcus Russell at QB, look for the Broncos to put a stranglehold on the wild card chase. Score: Denver 31-6

Bryan: If JaMarcus Russell is the starting QB for Oakland next year out of camp, there really is no hope for that franchise. Score: Denver, 20-14

Cincinnati Bengals (9-4) at San Diego Chargers (10-3), 4:05 p.m., Sunday

Dan: Game of the week? No. Just another beatdown for the Bengals as they sputter into the playoffs. Score: San Diego, 31-21

Alex: The real tragedy of all of this is that if the Steelers could have just beaten the fucking Chiefs and Raiders they would still be a real factor in the AFC North and the Bengals would more then likely fuck it up. Since they lost, look for another lame duck Cincy performance on the west coast. Score: San Diego 28-14

Bryan: A win here basically secures San Diego with a first round bye. This very well could be a preview of the divisional round in about a month. But don't count on the Bengals sniffing a playoff win. Score: San Diego, 37-26

Tampa Bay Buccaneers (1-12) at Seattle Seahawks (5-8), 4:15 p.m., Sunday

Dan: Seattle is bad, but Tampa is worse than Christmas without booze to fend off the squawking of elderly relatives. Score: Seattle, 24-10

Alex: Really this probably won't be a bad game to watch even though you and I both know that you don't give a shit. Seattle is a different team at home. Always have been, always will be. Score: Seattle 27-16

Bryan: The last time Seattle played in a meaningful game that more than 10 people cared about was Super Bowl XL. Score: Seattle, 30-10

Minnesota Vikings (11-2) at Carolina Panthers (5-8), 8:20 p.m., Sunday

Dan: I can't understand why the NFL decided to put the Panthers in prime time against what might be the best team in the NFC. I guess they want Jake Delhomme's slow death to be played out in front of as big an audience as possible as often as possible. That kind of makes him the Farrah Fawcett of football. Hmm. Score: Minnesota, 38-10

Alex: Happy to see that NBC took full advantage of the flex scheduling. Then again, what other game were they going to put here? Cleveland at Kansas City? Score: Minnesota, 30-14

Bryan: Teams might just be figuring out how to stop the Minnesota offense right at the worst time for the Vikings. Score: Minnesota, 28-14

New York Giants (7-6) at Washington Redskins (4-9), 8:30 p.m., Monday

Dan: The Giants put on a pretty good offensive performance against Philadelphia last week, but their defense put on one that was equally bad. They seem to be regressing defensively each week. I wish I had the balls to pick the Redskins, because there is going to be a lot of positivity surrounding them with their much better play recently and the imminent hiring of Mike Shanahan, but they just can't keep up on offense. Score: New York Giants, 34-20

Alex: With their playoff hopes hanging by a thread, the Giants will no doubt give it all they got. The Redskins seem to have found new life in the last 4 weeks playing good, smart football but are still finding ways to lose games. Same story here, just a different chapter. Score: New York Giants, 24-20

Bryan: I picked safe all week. I'll reach on this one. Score: Washington, 27-23